the time is now

So many things have changed in the past four months. And despite my initial feelings on the situations, I'm realizing they were ALL blessings in disguise. I'm learning more and more about myself and finding out who deserves to be in my life vs who doesn't. It's really hard to find GENUINE people in this world and thankfully those who weren't genuine are no longer apart of me. My main focuses now are my baby girl and school. :)

"Gone and I ain't lookin' back
I knew they gon' feel it like they tank on E
I promise baby, you can bet the bank on me
Cause ain't nobody tell me why there ain't gonna be no more
Thinking I'ma fall? Don't be so sure"

Halloween is a Hoot!

 I believe we've chosen Leila's Halloween costume :) I had my eye on this same one last year but she was so tiny and they didn't have a 0-3 month size.

 Isn't it adorable? I have a major things for owls! I might just dress up as an owl myself ;) haha I cant wait to buy it! :D

3 simple steps

On August 31st, my little bundle of joy took her very first unassisted steps. I stood her about a two feet away from me, let her gain her balance, let go and watched the magic happen. :') She stood for a couple seconds then put her left foot in front of her, then the right, then the left again with this big ol toothy grin! As she fell into my arms we both laughed and squealed. I live for moments like that! I am SO proud of my little cub<3 I'm very blessed to be able to enjoy all these milestones with her. I love you my little wiggly worm! :')

L O V E

Relief

Leila's party is over and I can finally breathe. We had a few issues but it all turned out good in the end. It POURED on the only day I needed it to be clear. Very frustrating. I didn't even get to take pictures because I was running around like a mad woman. :( Things that DID go according to plan, Leila kept her headband on all night! She looked adorable. The cake was not only beautiful but delicious! Thanks again Bernice. ;) Leila got A LOT of clothes. Thanks to all her wonderful family and friends! Since she's so tiny she'll be able to wear this stuff for a good while! It was our very first party and a learning experience of what to do and not to do next time LOL. Hopefully at her next big birthday bash I'll be of age to sit down and have a drink to relax because boy was I stressing! Now to enjoy the end of summer and beginning of fall with my little 1 year old<3

With her Auntie Steph<3

Her beautiful Tinkerbell cake!

With her Nina<3

With her Gammy<3 (my gma her great gma)

We displayed all her birthday cards :)

My little big Bee<3

A Year Has Passed..

Today is my daughter's birthday! A day I have looked forward to for months!! On this day last year, I was only beginning my new life with her. And today, I'm continuing it. We've gotten past the "infant" stage,  although she will ALWAYS be my baby, & entered the wonderful chaotic toddler years<3 Dun dun duuuuuun!!! LOL. It's been a hard emotional year and we've gotten through all of it together. She's so much more than just my child, she's my strength, my drive, my hope, and my faith. Since she was born we've never been apart for more than 4 or 5 hrs. I dread the day I have to leave her for school or work. :( I still cannot believe I created this beautiful little thing :') Her dark curly hair, big brown eyes, little button nose, lips identical to mine, beautiful hands that love to smack me, round belly I love to kiss, big ol "badonk" which she inherited from her mommy AND daddy, chunky strong "soccer player" legs, and smelly feet that I love to nibble on are just a few things that I adore. :) Along with all these physical attributes comes a personality with a punch! (Literally she punches haha!) She's got attitude that drives me insane but makes me laugh at the same time. She's one bossy lil thang! With this attitude, comes a heart of gold. She loves her family and shows it by "kissing" us which is more like a make out session. LOL. She's an outdoorsy type of girl and loves to explore the trees, grass, & flowers. She's very talkative and asks "What's That!?" everywhere we go. She loves her animals and refers to all the dogs, cat, & sometimes even people as "Ginger" (one of our Pomeranian/Daschund mixes). She goes around saying "Hi, Ginger!" to everyone. She loves HER song, "Layla" by Eric Clapton; she dances to it every time she hears it. She's such a joy to have around and I seriously don't know how I existed without her. Today is OUR day to celebrate and with that said we're gonna take a bath, get dressed in our pretty dresses and enjoy<3

Waking up and Singing Happy Birthday :)

We're ready to start our day!

Reading the birthday card from Oma :)

Asking "What's that?!" as she points to the animals on the card.

Watching her morning cartoons :)

I just don't get it!

Somethings been bothering me a lot lately, if you KNOW someone is in a relationship WHY in the world would you pursue them? And if you KNOW that relationship consists of THREE people, the couple PLUS a child, again WHY in the world would you purse them??? Whether your a girl or guy, it's not cool. Have some respect not only for the spouse of your "interest" but for their child as well. Put yourself in THEIR shoes. In their CHILD'S shoes. If your "interest" goes along with your little attraction game and leaves his/her family for you, what makes you think that person won't do the SAME exact thing to you?? I don't know what it is with my generation that makes most of them think they can "have their cake and eat it too." Men: STOP ACTING LIKE PIGS and Women: STOP ACTING LIKE WHORES. Not only can you destroy a family/relationship with actions like that, but hello have you all ever heard of STD's??? Because I know for damn sure most cheaters/promiscuous people will falter on the use of condoms and birth control. Don't be stupid people. Have some morals. Would you want someone doing this to YOUR family? Your mother/father? Your sister/brother? Your daughter/son? Yourself even?? Think and assess the consequences before you act on selfish impulses. That is all! Good day :)

“It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.”
~Samuel Johnson


"All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy."
~ Scott Alexander


"When he’s late for dinner, I know he’s either having an affair or is lying dead in the street. I always hope it’s the street." - Jessica Tandy <---- LMAO at this quote! 

Mornings...

My body really sucks at waking up in the morning lately. I want to wake up, but my body wont budge. :( And little Leila seems like she's gonna always be a chipper morning bird while momma's over here wishing she didn't have to wake up till noon. No matter how early or late I fall asleep, its always the same thing! Its gotten so bad now I have actually resorted to drinking coffee to pick myself up. Me and caffeine don't get along though :/ blaaahhhhhhhhhhh I seriously need some help! I miss waking up feeling well rested.

For now, this is what's getting me through the day. 

Oh and did I mention that my little morning bird gets to take her morning nap while I'm bouncing off the walls from my caffeine overdose? haha gotta love it!

Sound Asleep<3 Sweet dreams little mama!

For You, Leila Rae.

For 38 weeks and 5 days, we were one. I'll never forget the day I took that first pregnancy test on December 16th, 2009. I was in a panic thinking what was I going to do? I was 17 years old, still in high school, minimum wage job, no experience with babies what so ever, but I knew right then and there I wanted you. I put my shaking hand to my belly and silently said "It's gonna be ok baby, I'm gonna take care of you. Just hang on in there, I promise I'm gonna take good care of you." Still I continued to take MORE pregnancy tests just to be sure. ;) Your aunties dennise and astrid were with me. After 3 positive tests and 3 faces of shock, I decided to tell your daddy. Being in the age of technology that we are, I sent him a picture message of all the tests. The next day I went to the Del Sol Teen Center and took my 4th test. Again it was positive but this time I got an expected due date, August 24th, 2010. Hearing the words "due date" made it all that much more real and again I silently spoke to you. "Ok, I can do this little one. I have to tell your grandma now. Wish me luck baby." That night I cried to your Oma hoping that she would still support me and now you. She did and from that day on we started our "plan." My christmas break from school went something like this, fatigue, nausea, uncontrolled vomiting, hunger, then more nausea, more fatigue, and knocking out at 8 o clock. LOL. On January 25th, the day after my 18th birthday, your Daddy, Oma, and I went to my very first appt. You were a rowdy little thing! Waving your little bud arms and legs everywhere! I was 10 weeks and 3 days. :) I was so fascinated by the perfect little human I could see so clearly on the ultrasound. At 12 weeks we got to see you again! You were so much bigger now! More proportioned and still as wiggly as ever. My little wiggle worm I called you<3 For weeks I read articles, bought my "What to expect when your expecting" book, slept on my body pillow, looked everywhere for names, and enjoyed my new cravings. LOTS & LOTS OF CHILE! On a trip to Las Vegas with your Grandpa, Nana, Uncles, Cousins, & Great Grandma and Grandpa I felt you move for the first time. I was sitting at the Luxor hotel buffet eating when I felt a little nudge, I stopped, put my hand to my belly, and waited. Nothing. As soon as I began stuffing my face once again another nudge :) you obviously liked what I was eating! The rest of that week & until you were born I felt MANY nudges, then kicks, flips, stretches, hiccups, and organ jabs haha. On April 1st we found out you were a little gal and mommy had set her heart on the name Leila Rae; Leila came not only from the song Layla by Eric Clapton but also from many baby name websites and the Rae came from your Auntie Steph. Her middle name is Rae also, I thought it was such a beautiful and unique name and flowed so perfectly with Leila. As the weeks passed, I would talk to you daily. "How are today Leila Rae?", "Do you wanna take a nap with mommy?", "Please dont kick my bladder baby!", you and I had some pretty interesting conversations :) WE did everything together. You went with me to my senior prom! We danced with mommy's high school friends and even made a 5 min appearance at an after party ;) You also were right there with me as I walked across the stage at the Don Haskins center to receive my high school diploma. Both of my baby showers were so much fun and we got so many gifts for you! We truely are blessed with loving family and friends my dear. As my pregnancy came to an end, I was swollen, hot, impatient, anxious, and very tired! I just wanted you out! I had everything I needed for you, all that was missing was YOU! So when Dr.Pitre told me I could be induced i jumped at the chance! Although scared, I was ready! After 29 hrs of labor and 25 minutes of pushing, you were born! I kept saying "My baby my baby!" as I reached my arms out to you. The nurses laid you on my chest and I was amazed. You were so tiny so perfect. A head of dark hair and light skin. Your cries were soothed by the sound of my voice. They rushed you off to the nursery because they said you looked "pale" but hello! Look at me! Haha It turned out to be that you were just very white like your momma :) I was able to sleep for about an hour or two but after I woke up, all I wanted to do was be with you, I kept asking your daddy if we could go to the nursery! Thankfully we were all moved to our post partum room and we spent our first few hours together<3 I couldnt put you down! I wanted to hold you in my arms forever :) I still feel like  that to this day, but now your a little bigger and you get annoyed when i try to love on you :( I know this is the first of many rejections by you my little darling, but just know if I get a little TOO affectionate in front of your friends one day when your older, its not because I want to embarrass you, it's because I LOVE YOU with all my heart. You'll always be my precious baby bean. <3

 This was the actual picture message I sent your daddy :)

  This is us at about 9 weeks

 Here you are at 12 weeks

 This was us at 18 weeks

 !9 weeks

Its a Girl! :)

 22 weeks

 Going to prom at 25 weeks

Your beautiful little face at 26 weeks

 27 weeks

The weekend after graduation 29 weeks

 4 generations my grandma, mom, me, & Leila in the belly :)

 Big and Round 31 weeks

 Momma & Daddy 35 weeks

 Lounging at home :) 36 weeks I think :)

 Biiiiiig Momma! 37 weeks

 I meet my precious angel for the first time :)

 You a couple days old<3

My love for you is forever baby girl, never ever forget that. Your momma's life!<3

my love only grows stronger

A year ago today, I began the wonderful yet painful transition into motherhood. I was very nervous and scared not so much for myself, but for my baby. Would she be healthy? Would my labor go smoothly? How would she adjust to the outside world? Was she ready? Was I ready? Thank the good Lord above everything went BEAUTIFULLY. And on August 11th @ 12:45am, my 29 hour long labor had come to an end and my hard work had finally paid off. Leila Rae made her way into the world and I fell in love. Now here we stand, a year later and I can not fully explain in words how much my love for this wonderful creature grows with each morning that I wake to her sweet face, each day that we share together, and each night we cuddle and go to sleep. She's brought so much joy to my life. I love the chaos, adventures, laughs, tears, and even the frustrations. My mom said it perfectly to me yesterday, "We did not live a full life until she came along." I love my full life with my baby. I cant ever picture life without her and I pray every night that God blesses us and my family with many more years of health and happiness to make many more memories. Happy almost 1st Birthday Leila Rae. Momma loves you SO much.

My last pictures as a HAPPY prego lol

Feeling like S&*^

 Finally<3 love at first sight

Going Home :)

 One Month

Two Months

Three Months

Four Months

Five Months

 Six Months

 Seven Months

 Eight Months

 Nine Months

 Ten Months

Eleven Months

Almost Twelve Months :)

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh"

"Grown don't mean nothing to a mother.  A child is a child.  They get bigger, older, but grown?  What's that suppose to mean?  In my heart it don't mean a thing.  ~Toni Morrison, Beloved, 1987"